Remember when your kids were young and you could keep them happy on holiday with an ice block and a day building sandcastles at the beach? KIPPERS (Kids in Parents’ Pockets Eroding Retirement Savings) still love family holidays, but a melting icy pole probably won’t cut it when your kids are 18+ and still living at home.
Parents with adult kids need to reach for the STARS (Space, Togetherness, Activities, Relaxation, Separation) while keeping a firm hold on their wallets. Here’s how to do it so you all create holiday memories that stay in your minds long after you return home for all the right reasons.
Space
Spend time together and apart
The best holidays with adult children include time spent together and apart, so don’t feel pressured to do everything as a family. Sometimes your adult child might want to hang out with just one parent, particularly if they have a shared interest, or head off on their own for the day.
Go big with your accommodation
Book accommodation that’s a little larger than you think you’ll need rather than too small, even if it means staying somewhere less fancy than usual. If you’re sharing an apartment, look for options with enough seating in the living area so you can hang out together.
Togetherness
Work out a budget together
Something we learned the hard way on our first KIPPER trip is it’s important to work out a budget and who is paying for what before you leave. Our son assumed (and so did we) that we would cover everything like we did when he was a kid, but we underestimated the financial impact of having his girlfriend along and Europe’s plummeting exchange rate. It was awkward for everyone when we had to ask the two of them to start chipping in for daily expenses partway through the trip.
Get everyone to create their own ‘perfect day’
Give everyone in the family the chance to create their own ‘perfect day’. The secret to this activity is no one can veto another person’s day or activity, unless it’s too expensive, too dangerous, or there’s another legitimate reason. You’ll often learn a lot about your adult child doing this and might also be surprised to discover your KIPPER’s perfect day turns out to be yours as well. Who knew I’d enjoy our son’s day at Disneyland Paris way more than my time at the Louvre? It certainly wasn’t me.
Being on time is everyone’s responsibility
Instead of managing holidays like you used to when your kids were younger, with a “Hurry up, we’re going!” warning a few minutes before you drag them out the door, tell your adult child what time they need to be ready to go and leave it at that. If they (or you) are prone to running late, share the timekeeping so everyone takes responsibility for where you need to be during the trip.
Activities
It’s okay to skip some activities
Respect the fact that you and your adult children will often have different ideas about what’s fun to do and might want to skip things on your itinerary – and that’s okay. They’ll also probably insist at least once during your trip that they really don’t want to do something you may have done together and enjoyed when they were kids. Don’t get upset – ask why and then move on.
Try to find common ground
If you’re looking for activities you’ll all enjoy, finding common ground is your secret to success. For example, our family loves eating out, but the way we get to know a new city is very different now we’re all adults. While our son enjoys simply wandering the streets, my husband and I find this frustrating and prefer a more structured approach. In Rome, we agreed that our food tour in Trastevere, an atmospheric hipster suburb near our accommodation, was the perfect compromise.
Do types of different activities
Go for variety when it comes to activities. For example, you could visit the Louvre one day and explore the city by bicycle the following morning. A mix of paid activities and tours and cheaper options like picnics and free walking tours can help your money go further and mix things up.
Location is everything
Try to find accommodation that’s well located for the things you’re planning on doing while you’re in town, and easy to get to and from on public transport. This equates to sleep-ins and later starts for tours and activities, as you’ll generally be closer to wherever you need to be. It also makes it easier for your kids (and you) to get home after a late-night show or evening spent bar hopping.
Relaxation
Allow time to hang out
Schedule days when you don’t have much planned and stay a little longer in some destinations so you can enjoy travelling at a more leisurely pace and spend time just hanging out. Holidays with your adult children are a wonderful way to reconnect with your kids away from the rush of everyday life.
Share day-to-day responsibilities
Now your kids are adults, they can share the day-to-day responsibilities that come with travelling and you can enjoy a break. Whether that means taking the day leading the way, having some alone time to explore or even doing some of the driving, it’s important to share the load. If you plan to drive while travelling, there are even options for P plate car rentals if your child has a provisional licence and wants to get behind the wheel in Australia or overseas. We’ve tried taking turns during the day and opting for one day on/several days off on various trips. However, what seems to work best for us is playing to our strengths, like language skills (me) and reading maps (most definitely not me, as anyone in my family will tell you).
Keep calm and carry on
When things go wrong – and they will – try to stay relaxed and ask your children to help. You’ll always be their parent, but you’re no longer solely responsible for sorting everything out.
Spend some time apart
Explore solo
Everyone in our family explores solo sometimes so we can indulge personal passions like thrift store shopping and ancient history and give each other some space. Sharing photos and stories of our adventures (and misadventures) over dinner that night is a bonus.
Take a mini-break from each other
If you’re travelling together for more than a few weeks, it’s worth adding a mini break to your itinerary. After exploring the Mediterranean with our son, he took a side trip to Paris while his Dad and I enjoyed some couple’s time in Italy. After a week, we met up for the rest of our holiday and discovered the annoyances that developed earlier in the trip had magically disappeared.
Want to travel smarter and save money? Check out our tips for flying a low cost airline, keeping your luggage safe, visiting Europe in peak season, getting a great car hire deal, avoiding travel scams, saving money at the airport, staying at an Airbnb, finding cheap five star hotel deals, catching public transport overseas, staying safe in a big city, getting the best round-the-world airfares, making the most of a five star hotel stay, travelling during low season, visiting a theme park in peak season, packing a carry on bag, visiting a wine region, planning a romantic getaway, early morning flights, visiting the Great Barrier Reef, multigenerational travel, travelling in a motorhome, buying the best souvenirs, going on safari, visiting the Eiffel Tower, travelling with pets, holidaying with adult children, travelling with teens, and sleeping on a plane.
